We think it’s obvious, right? We have no problem telling our friends when they date someone who doesn’t appreciate them. They even made a movie based entirely on the topic. But do we look the other way and make excuses when we’re the one he’s just not that into?
I’m not here to tell women what to do in their dating life. My purpose is to point out some key indicators, all excuses aside, so you can assess your own situation (also to remind myself, as a 36-year-old single woman living in New York). This applies to women of every age and we all go through various stages in our lives, with different priorities leading the way from one moment to the next. So regardless of where you are today, just be true to yourself about the dating situation you’re in. If you decide to ride it out and accept it, make it a conscious decision and know that it might be an indicator of the dynamic of the relationship to come. If you don’t want to waste your time on someone who’s just not that into you then accept the reality, deal with the sting and move on.
Before you get to the list I just want to clarify that these aren’t the only telltale signs, so let’s remember to use our heads, not just our hearts. He might enjoy your company, he’s probably having fun with you, and there may even be a connection of some kind but it doesn’t mean he thinks you’re special (for him, at this point in time) if these things are happening:
1. HE ISN’T QUICK TO BOOK YOU FOR THE NEXT DATE
When a man is really into you, he wants to know he’ll get to see you again…soon. Even if he’s the busiest man in the world, he’ll still make it clear with something like “Although it’s a crazy week for me, I’d really like to get together. I might be able to move some things around toward the end of the week. Let me know if Thursday or Friday could work for you so I can rearrange my schedule.” If he’s really into you, he will book you ASAP so you don’t make other plans.
2. HE DOESN’T INTRODUCE YOU TO ANYONE IN HIS WORLD
This is self explanatory. When you’ve spent enough one-on-one time together to know you’d like to continue and see where it goes, it’s important to meet someone in their life. We want to know the company they keep, how they behave around their friends/family/co-workers and how they treat us around those people. If he’s avoiding it, it’s a red flag. If he’s met people in your life and he’s still avoiding it, it’s two red flags.
3. HE'S ACTIVELY LOOKING FOR THE NEXT BEST THING
It doesn’t matter if you’re not exclusive yet. Part of dating is taking the time to get to know someone. It’s good not to feel obligated to a committed relationship or strapped down to one person before you feel you know them well enough. But when you reach a point in your dating roadmap when things get intimate (any type of intimacy, not necessarily physical) and you’re both sharing pieces of yourself that not everyone gets to see, you should be his main focus. Even though you’re both free to go out with someone else if the situation presents itself, he shouldn’t be actively seeking out new women at this point. He'd be excited to spend as much time as possible getting to know you if he’s really into you.
When you find yourself in this situation, and it happens to all of us at some point, just remember that it doesn’t mean you’re any less of a catch. Not everything can be right for everyone. Sure there’s a chance it could be the timing, but is it really worth finding out if he doesn’t realize you’re special right now? That’s up to you to decide.